In a rather large nutshell
This is the fourth time I’ve erased and started over. Why a simple blog entry is so hard to start today is beyond me.
I’ve been really tired and depressed but I’m not sure exactly to what to attribute it. I don’t know why I think there has to be one sole cause for how I feel though. A couple of weeks ago I saw my endocrinologist for another follow-up for my thyroid and while I’ve come down quite a bit (I was something like 308+), I’m still around 58. I should be at around one. He increased my meds and we’ll see him again in a couple months. I hope we get this fixed soon because I can’t take being so tired and down anymore. Plus, I’ve been gaining weight like crazy and that doesn’t exactly please me either.
Speaking of feeling like crap, guess who came over the day before yesterday? Yup. I’m really not in the mood to discuss her but basically it went like this:
In a nutshell:
- She doesn’t get why we moved. She is clueless about her behavior and how it affects others.
- She was very timid and probably cried after she left. Oh well. I’ve done a lot of crying, too.
- She wanted to know what our plans were and if we were coming back (??)
- I told her no, we would not be returning because she is impossible to live with.
- She’s running out of money. (Shall we form a club?)
- I told her that my brother said he would sell her house back when I told him that it was not going to work out. When I said that my brother looked at her and said something like, “we could sell the house but there’s nowhere you could fit all your stuff.” She didn’t say anything to that.
- She hugged Iz and Iz was very adorable in her four year-old way.
- They left.
When my brother first got there I only saw him and thought that he was coming to tell me that there was something wrong with her or that she had died. Then he pointed to his truck and said that she wanted to talk to me. All I could think was “ugh, I don’t need this.”
She just does not get how she is nor does she accept responsibility for her behavior. She’s a martyr and I’d rather claw my eyes out than live with her again. I’m pretty sure Jeff would not go for it at.all. In fact he said that we’d be divorced before he’d consider it again. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to support someone who treated me that poorly either.
I don’t know how my friend Maja does it. Our mothers are very similar in many ways because they are both throw-backs from old-world Eastern Europe. They have different, ahem, quirks, but fundamentally they are both very Old-World Eastern European and that’s pretty much hell in a bottle. Between living away from her as long as I had and how she seemed to change a bit after my dad died I thought maybe it would be different. No. I think she was hoping that I’d welcome her with open arms and say that we were horrible to her and that we were moving back. She honestly had no clue why we left. None.
Sigh. On to more amusing stories.
When I picked Iz up from school on Monday she didn’t dart out to me happily like she normally does. She walked out looking like she had something on her mind and sort of blah. I picked her up and asked her what was the matter. I asked her if she got in trouble and she quietly said yes. I quizzed her to see what she might have done. Everything I could think of I listed but none of them hit the target. She told me, and I quote, “I can’t find the right words right now to tell you.”
She’s four.
All I could get out of her was there was Play-Doh, white powder and her teacher was sad but still loved her. Since we’re not in the Detroit School District I figured I was safe about the white powder and it didn’t involve cocaine or Anthrax.
Apparently they made Play-Doh on Monday and while one teacher was helping someone in the bathroom and the other was tending to something else, one of the kids got a hold of the flour used to make the day’s concoction. In the span of two minutes, six of the posse were covered in the suspicious white powder. In true preschool fashion they dimed out the mastermind of the plot and I was surprised to find that it wasn’t my little angel.
April is Autism Awareness Month and today is Autism Awareness Day. Just so you’re aware.
