The little things
When you have a school-aged child who has social challenges like autism, you worry that they are going to become that sore thumb in class that everyone notices as really different. You don’t get to see them during the school day so you worry if kids are teasing more than they might normally (unfortunately we all experience that at one point or another) or if they are shunned etc. You can’t get a lot of information about that from your child since they may not even notice themselves. I suppose if that’s the case then worrying about it is moot; if they don’t get that they are being teased then it’s like that tree that falls in the forest. However, the older they get and depending on how high on the spectrum they are, they could very well sense unkind behavior at their expense. They have feelings and as a mother I ache at the thought of Iain being in that position.
So, with all that said, it’s the little things that warm my heart and make me feel better about how he might be getting along in school with the others. I’ve asked the teachers and aides from time to time how he seems to be doing with the other kids and they have all told me he does fine. He’s still not totally normal as far as interaction and socialization being as fluid for him as it is for the others but they tell me he has friends, is friendly and the kids like him. He’s nice, polite and thankfully doesn’t have any behavioral issues that draw too much attention. He’s emotionally immature so he may be prone to crying much easily than his peers but so far we’ve been doing okay with that not being a huge problem. We’ve all worked hard for a long time to help him.
This morning, when I was letting Iain out of the car, a little girl was walking by on the sidewalk. She stopped quickly, looked at us and said “oh” as if she knew me and was surprised to see me. She looked at Iain and said hi as he was hopping out of the back. He looked at her, said” Hi, A!” and went on to tell her this was our new car. Well, we’ve had it for a year but since she didn’t know that it didn’t matter and I wasn’t going to correct him. They walked off together and I watched them walk up to the school. I could tell he was talking to her and even looking toward her from time to time looking like a totally typical child. I don’t know if she was also participating in the conversation and who knows what he was talking about ( he’s still a little stilted and one-sided with his conversations, sometimes talking about things as if the other person knows all the background) but the fact that he was making the kind of eye contact he was and making the effort to converse with her made my heart warm and I had a silly smile plastered on my face. Add to that the fact that “A” stopped and said hello to him first and waited to walk with him up to the school, it made me so happy that kids are considering him a friend and worth acknowledging. I know that sounds weird since I know he’s a great kid but you know how kids can be and if you know about autism, you know that socially there can be big problems.
The interaction this morning reminded me of yesterday when I was picking the kids up from school. Outside I saw Iain talking with one of the boys in his class. Again, I don’t know if the boy was really talking to him but it sort of seemed like a normal interaction so I’m hoping this continues.
Oh, and on the academic front? The boy rocks the house in spelling. He consistently gets 100% on his tests and I’ve not seen a score lower than the 90s (and that was just a couple of times). How proud am I? I’m shitting rainbows and silly string over that. His aide told me that overall he’s doing better than some of the typical kids in his class. After all these years being told what he can’t do and how his IQ is lukewarm at best, it’s hard for me to believe that he’s doing better than some of the kids who are typical. My pessimistic side just whispered to me suggesting maybe they too have special needs but my optimistic side reminded me that the special needs program in the district is awesome and they would have weeded those kids out by now. I know I’m terrible but anyone who has been through this will understand. Parents of ordinary kids go around assuming theirs are geniuses; after seven of his almost nine years I’ve been told what he can’t do so when you’re told something positive, it’s hard to take at face value. Some parents of typical kids like to sweat the small stuff. For me and other parents, it’s the little things we celebrate.
