Bitter is the new black
I don’t know if I’d exactly use the word bitter to describe my mood of late but it’s not far off sometimes. Today the emotion of the day was depressed but I also ran through a little anger here and there. Take for example something I wrote to a friend earlier today:
Many homes in our area are on the market for a year or more and they are nice homes with reasonable asking prices. Many are getting to the point where they have to move and can’t wait any longer so they sell for much less than they were trying for originally. That of course drives the housing values down bla bla bla. People are bringing thousands to the closing table if they can. Most can not afford that. Who can?
People are losing auto industry jobs in our area left and right (with more cuts to come) and the foreclosure rate in my county is something like 1 in 97 with the national average being 1 in 693. The last I read Michigan is third in the country for foreclosures only behind Nevada and Georgia and that my county is first for US metro areas. I’ve also heard that there are more people leaving Michigan than any other state with the exception of Mississippi and Louisiana and that’s because of Katrina.
Where is this strong economy Bush is talking about again?
The above truths make me angry. Why? Well, while I’m the first to admit that life is not fair, I don’t think it should be too much to ask to be able to sell a home so you can help an ill parent survive because their whopping $700 or so dollars a month isn’t cutting paying a mortgage and utilities (food and expensive medicines optional). If it wasn’t for helping my mom we wouldn’t really be thinking much about this other than resigning ourselves to living here for a few more years (which is fine — it’s a nice house even if we’ve outgrown it) until things worked themselves out. I want to help my mom because, well, she’s my mom and she wouldn’t be able to afford living by herself for very much longer. She could move here but there’s less room and we’d still be talking about trying to sell a home and paying two mortgages. And even if she weren’t ill and simply wanted to move into something smaller, who is going to give a woman on a small fixed income a mortgage? With the severe downward spiral of equity, she wouldn’t get the kind of money out of the house she might have maybe three or four years ago.
Sigh.
The last few days I’ve been more depressed than anything. I’m just sort of there. I don’t want to do anything or say much (which is saying something when it comes to me, chatty Cathy). I’m tired but not the sleep apnea kind of tired. It’s just a “bla-would-love-to-crawl-back-in-bed-and-hide” kind of tired. Sometimes I’m on the verge of tears and other times I’m simply numb. Thankfully I’ve not been too much of a tyrant with my kids despite Iz being in a naughty mood all day. I’m sure I’ve not been easy to live with, though.
I’m just sad, you know? I’m sad that in order to help someone I love, I’m almost being punished. I don’t blame my mom or harbor any resentment whatsoever toward her about this. She’s a bigger victim of all this than I am. The amount of money she gets per month to exist is shameful and our country should be ashamed of the way it treats the elderly. The amount of money she has to pay for medicine is obscene! I guess saving a buck by having lead-coated toys manufactured in China and buying them at WalMart is more important to some. Don’t get me started on buying American and keeping jobs in the United States. I’m not usually this political but it’s gone too far now. Too many are suffering and no one seems to want to do much about it. Well, at least those who might actually have some real impact on a large scale. Those who do want to do something about it are not usually the ones who have the resources to make the large scale change we need right now.
</political rant>
I put at least 20 if not more trash bags out at my mom’s this evening. I also carted out the entertainment center that used to live in Iain’s new room that Jeff took apart the other day. I didn’t want the city to get pissed so I stopped with that. If I put out the same amount as I did today, it will take me a few weeks to totally dispose of the amount of junk that I’ve purged so far from that house. This isn’t including various pieces of furniture that will be tossed. Now, I expect that the furniture will be picked up by someone who could use it and I hope that happens. If I had the time I would have either organized a garage sale or put things up on Craig’s List (I’m not exactly sure how that works but I hear that’s what all the young kids are doing these days) but I have so many things to do yet that I’d rather just donate or take my chances that someone will take it from the loot in front. We’ve donated about 20 bags to the Salvation Army so far with more to come once my mom sorts through her clothing.
There’s still a musty smell in the basement whose source I must find. Jeff looked at the walls behind the paneling where the water came in and he said they are dry and there’s no mold or anything growing there. I’m wondering if there are more wet tiles that need to be pulled up and discarded. Once I get the remainder of the junk out of the basement, I’m going to scrub the floor and really look around for anything that needs attention. It’s a solid basement and nicely finished but it’s an aging home.
I’ll have to google for ideas on how to rid the basement of that smell and what to look for as to the source. I put our extra dehumidifier down there to see if it helps but I’m not noticing any huge difference. The unit is too small for the area, though, so who knows. It’s frustrating because there is no outward sign pointing to what the source may be. Hell, for all I know it could be the sump pump area. If so, we’ll have to come up with a solution on how to contain the odor or gasses that it might be giving off. It’s just a theory, though, and I won’t know until I can tackle the clean up.
The kids start school tomorrow if I haven’t mentioned that already. It’s a half day that starts at 11:45. I don’t get it and neither does Iain’s old teacher. She said that this is the first time the teachers and kids have started on the same day. Now, she’s been at the school setting up for the last couple of weeks but we’d usually have a day or two after the teachers formally started after the holiday before the kids started back too. Tomorrow we get the pleasure of milling about and trying to find the class lists to figure out what teacher the kids have. That should be less than fun with Iz and a mountain of school supplies in tow. Oh well. Wednesday they are back to their old schedule and I’ll have the school day free except for Iz to get things done again. I can’t believe the summer is over. While I like getting them back to school, I’m also jolted back into early mornings and routines that I didn’t have to worry about for three months.
And on that note, I need to get to bed. I have backpacks and school supplies to organize in the morning. Night!
