Crack for fat girls (or donuts for a birthday party)
It’s bound to happen. You’re going about your business, enjoying your time with a smaller ass, when suddenly it hits–school birthday party season. Suddenly, you’re exposed to temptations that rival those once enjoyed by lost souls now in the third ring of hell. Don’t get me wrong–you start out with the best intentions. You want your kid’s school birthday party to be fun and a little different to throw some variety in there for the kids. You think to yourself, “Self, donuts would be a nice change I think. Sure, anyone can do cupcakes but that’s so preschool. Yes! Donuts it is!” The road to hell and all that.
Fresh, delicious, glazed and some even chocolate frosted, donuts. Sugary fried perfection tucked neatly into a plain white, newly assembled box, ready to be plucked out and enjoyed with a primal passion second only to (or, perhaps greater than) lusty animal rage between two trembling, sweaty bodies . . .
Sorry. I got a little carried away there.
This is my passion for a good donut. The problem is that it is also an illegal substance to those of us fat broads who can’t seem to only use recreationally. At first we get cocky and think that we’re not interested anymore. Hell, we can stop any time we want to. Right? Oh, who the fuck are we kidding? I’ve had four. This, after a decadent breakfast at Charly’s (yes, there is a Charly’s and yes, I do have breakfast there) and an almost-as-decadent take-out dinner (also from Charly’s), means that I’ve undoubtedly regained any weight that I have lost since February.
Okay, maybe I’m being a teeny bit melodramatic but let this serve as a warning to you all–donuts are evil and their production needs to cease immediately. Not only is it bad for those of us with an addiction, it’s bad for America as a whole. Because, ladies and gentlemen, a donut is a terrible thing to waste.
