Breakfast at Charly’s

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If we were a window decal

Create your own family sticker graphic at pYzam.com

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All American Comfort

American Comfort

Originally uploaded by Breakfast at Charly’s

But made in Taiwan. Ummm . . .

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Maybe I am ready

I’ve been jokingly dreading the beginning of summer vacation because it usually means bickering and fighting amongst the ranks but I’m wondering if I’m just about ready to relinquish the morning routine for a few months. Every day lately I’ve been less and less willing to get up and more and more willing to let them stay home. Well, for a few minutes anyway. I’m not one to let them stay home just because so it’s merely a fleeting thought but it’s damn tempting and becoming more so each day. I’m sure I’ll get over that quickly.

I’m loosely planning our summer calendar. One might be led to think that it’s for their benefit but honestly staying out and about with a loose schedule will keep me more sane than if we were home and getting more and more on each other’s nerves. I’m planning on signing Gracie up for swimming and that itself is four days a week. That might start getting old but it’s not until after one in the afternoon so if I can’t get my ass going by then, there are bigger problems to deal with. She’ll also have summer music which I enjoyed last year. This year will probably suck because I have to bring Iz with and I have to wonder how easy she’ll be to deal with. Last year I sat and learned along with but I doubt I’ll be able to do that and keep Iz in line. Feh.

Off to prepare for bed. I’ll save the other delicious boring details of my day for tomorrow.

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Stop it!

Again with a clichéd befuddlement about where the time goes, I’m sitting here wondering what happened to the bulk of the last decade. Iain is nine today and it’s as if I’ve been in a haze the whole time. Nine. We’ve been through so much over his lifetime and I’m so proud of him for what he’s accomplished. He was such a beautiful baby. He looked like a china doll with his big, crystal blue eyes, perfect skin and just the right amount of chub. I have a beautiful portrait of him from when he was six months-old hanging on the wall and I can’t get over the beauty even now. I know I’m biased but he really was gorgeous. He’s still a handsome boy if I do say so myself.

Happy Birthday, buddy!

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This gets old

Today is another one of those days where I’ve spent much of it having a mini-panic attack. I don’t know if there’s actually a diagnostic term for something like that but that’s as best as I can describe it. Either way, it has paralyzed me for most of the morning and it’s getting old. Really old. The only thing I’m thankful for is that I manage to keep it in check enough that I don’t take it out on others.

I’m feeling torn about mentioning these sorts of things online, open to the public to see. On the one hand I feel like it’s no different from suffering from some other physical disorder but I also fall back wondering how the stigma might affect me. I really shouldn’t put much thought to it but with the world and how it operates, it does cross my mind. Oh well. If nothing else maybe it will make someone out there feel a little less lonely. It doesn’t make me any less a person, a mother, a wife, a friend or a member of the community. I’ve dealt with it this long without any drug or alcohol abuse, I don’t abuse my children and I have loving friends. I’d say with what I go through mentally, that’s pretty good.

I heard from the Realtor today and we’ll be getting the keys at noon on Saturday. That made me excited because then I can get in, take a good look around, document things on the checklist and start prepping for painting and moving. I think part of the anxiety is deep down knowing that this time the move away from this home will be permanent. I try not to get too caught up with it but it’s hard sometimes. The biggest problem is that we’re leaving not on our terms and we wouldn’t even be in this situation if it weren’t for our good intentions. I know, “the path to hell” and all that but still. The lesson this has taught me is that you listen closely to your gut and that sacrifice on that level for anyone other than your spouse or children is probably not wise. Maybe that sounds cold or cynical but there you go.

After dealing with vomit yet again last night, I’m looking forward to getting a washer and dryer back in the house. I joked with the guys at the laundromat (two men, one the owner, take turns on the weekends running the place) that I’ll have to bring rugs in on a regular basis just to keep in touch and get out of the house. It’s not a big deal anymore for me to go to the laundromat (outside of the cost) but having a washer in the house would have been mighty handy for the clothes and bedding I sprayed off last night. I could have put them straight in; I miss that.

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Nothing much new, ladies and gentlemen

It’s about three weeks until we move in but nothing much to note although the fact that there’s only three weeks left in this house is very weird to me. I still have yet to decide on a paint color and I’m waiting for the window treatment samples to arrive in the mail. I ordered some more moving boxes and I’m trying to figure out what I can pack that we can do without for the next few weeks. They are due to arrive tomorrow along with some more tape and moving labels. The good thing is that U-Haul will buy back whatever we don’t use. I thought that was a good deal.

Thursdays kids eat free at Charly’s so I took them for an early dinner. There’s nothing in the house and for what I paid, we got four fresh meals from scratch. McDonald’s would have been maybe two dollars less than my bill including tip. Can’t beat that with a fat stick.

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Screw you, Today Show!

Screw you for telling inspirational stories and making me cry. Stupid bastards. How dare you show me stupid, sappy stories about wonderful children who donate their hair for their friends who have cancer? What the hell are you trying to do to me? The worst part is that I’m crying and so is stupid Kathie Lee Gifford. Now you’re making me act like Kathie freakin’ Lee Gifford? Honestly, what have I done to you? I watch you faithfully while getting ready in the morning. I turn to you for breaking news that may have happed overnight. Sometimes I even catch the later hours if I happen to have a light day. I was with you on 9/11! This is how you repay me for my loyalty?

Screw you, Today Show.

P.S. Screw you, too, KathIE Lee for making me have to edit my entry because your parents had to be different. Whatever. At least with Hoda Kotb I know there’s some research involved.

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Don’t taze me, bro!

Don’t taze me, bro!

Originally uploaded by Breakfast at Charly’s

Yeah, okay. Found on some old dude’s car.

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I hate this feeling

Today is one of those days where I alternately feel like crying just a tiny bit or uncomfortable anxiousness. This morning I was feeling mushy and now, probably partially due to the coffee I’ve consumed, I feel incredibly anxious.

There are times when I start to feel so unorganized, both in the environmental and cognitive sense, that it affects the melon. We’re getting closer to moving and we’ve been busier than normal lately so the house is at the height of clutter and it’s starting to feel as if it’s closing in on me. Yes, logically speaking I could just stand up, grab something and create order but it’s overwhelming enough to paralyze me a bit and somehow, without dialog, convinces me to embrace avoidance. I’ve never claimed to make sense.

Some loose ends that need tying up are also biting at my heels but along with the overwhelming cognitive clutter, I’m also a master procrastinator. Actually, I think they are simply close cousins who both seem to visit at the same time with far too much luggage and don’t have the courtesy of calling first.

I have the lease addendum to tweak, sign and return but because my connected printer’s toner is 99.7% gone (leading to streaks and faint print) and my new printer is still packed, I’ll have to save the document on my USB drive and head up to the library. I have books to return anyhow but it’s still a pain. I also have the large-ish job of organizing and figuring out the paperwork from soccer. My goal was to have that completed over the weekend but being as I was feeling pretty nasty for most of it, I didn’t get to finish it. I did, however, put together a great deal of the website I want to publish for the program. That was easy and simply consisted of me sitting here in the recliner moving this and that around until it was aesthetically pleasing and fairly grammatically correct. I want to get that up so that I can create some marketing materials and spread the word. That gives me time to run some late registration for the fall and have enough uniforms and coaches by then. From what I understand, those who know about the program found out about it in some convoluted way and even the special needs program that is maybe 100 yards away from the field had no idea until just recently that we existed. How is that even possible?

This afternoon will be filled with running around that I wish were another day but you know how that goes. First it’s to gymnastics we run and then to the string concert where I’m hoping Iz will behave reasonably well. By the time we get home it will be late and I’m not exactly sure how dinner will fit in.

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Happy Birthday, Gracie!

Yes, I’m going to be cliche and exclaim, “Where the fuck did the last seven years go?!” We could also ask about the last nine (Iain’s age in a little over a week) or 15 (yes, 15 years married). But yeah, where is it, y’all?

I’ve come to the conclusion that I did not, in fact, have the flu but whatever it was/is does not like me and wants me rendered useless from the waist down. I’m on the better end of things but the day, she was not easy like Sunday morning. Nope. That is where I’ll end with that.

Being the stellar mother I am, I did manage to saunter around Toys ‘R Us twice with Gracie to find her gift but we ended up at Target. The grandparents capped off the day with a cake and the Happy Birthday song and it was all good.

We’re doing things a little different this year since planning a party in the middle of move time would have proved to be enough to move me to violently dismember something. They get to pick where they want to eat for dinner and pick out a toy and later in the summer, they can have a friend or two over for a sleep-over. They seem to be great with the idea so I don’t anticipate extra therapy bills for that year which they shan’t mention.

Here’s to tomorrow being better than the weekend. Gracie’s string concert is tomorrow evening and that should be interesting, bless her heart.